June

June. That's her name, just June. I wish I had a picture to share, but I don't. I don't have anything but a few memories and an urn. She came way too early and left us even earlier.

Trisomy 13 is the diagnosis that we had received just a few weeks prior to June 29. So when my water broke as I stepped out of the car at our beach vacation home after driving for 7 hours to get there, we weren't shocked. We knew it was the end and we knew why. We were just not ready for it to be this soon. I wanted to have her with me longer, even knowing that the possibility of her ever getting to live with us here on Earth would probably never happen. It wasn't easy but it was easier to accept because we knew why it was happening. Within an hour she was born. And within the next day I was sitting on the beach watching the never ending waves crash on the sand.

For just a few days I got to try to forget everything and just enjoy the sound of the ocean and my family. I knew that reality was waiting at home. A calendar full of doctors appointments that were already made that had to be cancelled. New appointments to be made. A refrigerator full of ultrasound pictures. A vase of dying peonies that were given to me by a dear sweet friend after the diagnosis of T13 sat on the kitchen counter waiting for me to clean up the wilted petals that had fallen. Already a mailbox of sympathy cards waiting for us. A box of keepsakes and books to be used when we had her many months from now from A String of Pearls sat by our garage door. Of course I didn't forget for one single second and never will. Not one single detail.

As awful and sad as it was, I can't think of a better place to have had our sweet June. We were on vacation with my parents. What a blessing it was to have them there for us and our children. Tybee Island I will be back! Your waves sound much sweeter to me now.